Get closer.....yes, that's good. If you want to meet the woman of your dreams, you need to....ready.....
ZUMBA on a Friday night!!
Yes, it really is that simple. And I have proof. First hand experience. Last Friday I decided to continue with my cross-training by taking the "HAPPY HOUR ZUMBA" class at the YMCA. Yes, this was my second foray into the world of sashaying hips, gyrating pelvis', and creaking knees (ok, that last part just relates to me). This time I walked into the class right as it was about to begin (to avoid that feeling of awkwardness), and stepped right into Irina's world. Irina being the Zumba instructor. Her world, her ladies. I came to find out that she is Meredith's evil older sister (Meredith being my first Hip-Hop instructor). This class was 15 minutes long, and even more intense - she was a military drill sargent - instructing me to thrust, jab, leap and strut my stuff in every direction. But I wasn't worried...I was "the new guy".
You see, Irina asked at the beginning of class if there was anyone new this week and I proudly raised my hand, along with a few of the women. Irina scanned the room....and then stopped her gaze on me. Then she yelled into her headset microphone..."WE HAVE A NEW GUY". And the place erupted in a cheer!!!! And by erupted, I mean that the approximately 50 other women in the class (and 1 guy - he was ruining my moment) looked at me as I sheepishly grinned. They probably thought I was a pervert crashing their spandex parade. And they would be righ....wait a minute....that's crazy talk!!
For the next hour Irina yelled at us, prodded us, and made me feel all special when she called out "the new guy is doing it". I realized that as a single male 20 years ago - Zumba was the "in" that I needed to meet that special someone. And by that special someone, I mean a woman who would have been 20 years my senior.
Hmmm....seems like my foolproof, holy grail of a plan for the single man has a slight flaw. Not to knock my fellow Zumba participants, but if you are a single lady looking for love.... you don't show up to the "Happy Hour Zumba" on a Friday night. Bummer....but I was one of two men in the group - give me something.
So let's try plan B....
Plan B consisted of going to the Whitewater Center (as I mentioned in my last blog entry) to run the trails. When I arrived early Saturday morning, the parking lot was quite full. Turns out there was a trail race going on that day. Just my luck - I wouldn't be able to run until it was over, I thought. However, luck was on my side. There are 14 miles of trails, and this race was only 5 miles long. As I exited my car and headed to the trailhead, I found out that the race was called "RUN LIKE A GIRL". Hmmm, this is getting interesting. I was beginning to sense some subliminal messaging was being sent my way. First Zumba class, and now this. And on a Saturday morning, all the young, carefree, fitness minded young ladies head out to run (or at least that was what I was thinking to myself).
It would turn out that I was correct. About 300 of them by my count (and I wasn't counting, I was just doing a rough scan of blond ponytails....you know, recon for all my single friends.....I am happily married....love you Brenda!). The race MC was announcing that the run would begin in 10 minutes, so I found a different trail to start on and just went on my merry way...thinking of Brenda and the kids....
Well, about 15 minutes later a group of ladies start running at me from the other direction on this single track trail. Initial reaction - they were tracking me down. Then I exited the haze. Reality, I was in their way and they were going to run me over. Being the polite, happily married male that I was, I stepped off the trail to allow them to pass. And for the next 15 minutes I had to stand there, while 300 women passed by, ponytails bobbing up and down.
Now one of two throughs were probably going through their minds as they ran by me. First, they could've thought, "what is this pervert doing out here in the woods by himself watching us run by, with our ponytails bobbing up and down". Gee - I hope they didn't think that. Note to self: wipe that silly grin off your face. Second, the could have thought "what nice race officials. They positioned someone out here to make sure we didn't get lost on the only trail in the woods". I'd prefer to believe that was the thought racing through their bobbing heads. So I said "hi" to many of them, and got many "hello's" in return. These runners are a nice group of people. Have to love the running community. Not a pervert in the bunch.
So, the group eventually passed, and I went on my merry way....
And that my friends, is how Rico Suave lives on....at least in spirit. The secret of the single man is now ours...use this newfound power wisely.
KEIYH
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